That title sounds way more horrible than it actually is. First of all, Lis and I don't actually have a baby right now. We have a bump that will grow into a baby in a few months. We know he's in there, and he's getting big fast, but he's not particularly demanding at the moment and this is worth keeping in mind. It's important to really relish in the experience of our precious last bit of time before baby becomes all.

Here's why I chose this topic. For the last few days I've had a tough time coming up with ideas for posts. At first, I thought I could attribute this to a bit of writer's block or changing weather, but the fact is that I've been very productive in other areas and haven't had much time to focus on the coming baby. I think I've had problems formulating posts because I'm just super immersed in my other projects right now.

I realized last night that this was starting to make me feel guilty. I wasn't able to focus on the baby much, and I was worried that I wasn't feeling invested enough in the whole pregnancy process. Shouldn't my imagination be totally rapt with this new amazing creature we're bringing into the world? Shouldn't I be spending every waking hour pondering how adorable and magical the whole process of raising a child is going to be? I really don't want to become some under-dedicated, vaguely negligent parent who splits his mental life between what is and what could have been (ie. no kids). I definitely don't want to be some stereotypical distant, pipe-smoking, beslippered father who leaves all the parenting to the kid's beset and possibly besotted mother. I'm in this too, and I'm willing to put in the work.

What I came to realize, though, is that there will be plenty of time to be a good parent when the time comes. It's false to expect that I "should" be and feel anything other than that which is right now. I would be more worried if we actually had a kid who was being neglected in any way, but that's not the case. It's good to feel invested, but it's also good to keep things honest.

Being a good parent, I believe, means meeting your own needs as well as the child's. It makes everyone more happy, respectful, and ultimately loving. There's such a  taboo these days surrounding parental self-care, and it's started to seep into the gestation period itself. It seems a lot of sources are demanding parents immediately cease their former lives as soon as they know a child is on its way. Such thoughts really only seem to serve the purpose of producing anxiety where none should exist. You feel what you feel. The baby's baking just fine, and it doesn't particularly care about me right now. I'm excited to see him, but it's impossible to keep excitement up 24/7. It just sounds exhausting, and I've got a lot to do. So does Lis, and there's nothing wrong with this for the moment.

So guilt begone! Today is going to be a day for me, and there's absolutely nothing I can see that's wrong with that. If you, too, are an expecting parent, don't forget that you're important and you deserve a little time and space for yourself. From what I gather, there will be plenty of time -- years! -- to have your life completely dominated by your kid. There's no need to falsely and prematurely impose such restrictions on yourself while things are getting ready.

Our little one is getting super active these days. Tons of kicks, and apparently this is around the expected time for this to happen. Sunday morning he was more active than I've ever felt him. Major somersaulting going on in there. Apparently after week 28 we're supposed to count kicks to make sure he's giving at least 10 solid ones every 2 hours. It's some kind of health measure. Maybe I can make an Excel spreadsheet for that...

Kicks aside, I have to say the whole baby thing has been rather unreal since we arrived in Vancouver a week and a half ago. I think it must be the nature of getting settled in. It's hard to focus on anything besides putting together our house and making sure that the transition to work is going smoothly. We're spending nearly every moment of our free time exploring, learning about the city, and looking up our local friends and family. My cousin Dean and his wife just had a baby last week, so the family grows! We have started looking into cribs and strollers, so perhaps that will add some concreteness to this mystery baby that's headed our way.

Yesterday, while reading a novel in a Starbucks, there was a family that came in with their two little girls and a boy toddler. At first, I was pondering how cute they all were, going on their thanksgiving family outing, but it soon became clear that the little boy was a bit of a misbehavor. Actually a lot. So much that we had to leave. He kept  insisting loudly on getting whatever he wanted, so much so that his voice was hoarse from yelling. Reflecting on it afterwards, it's quite possible that he was autistic. Initially when they showed up I was annoyed, but I definitely felt for the parents when I realized this might be the case. I can't imagine what that would be like.

My thoughts are a bit scattered these days, as you can probably tell, but we persevere in establishing a semblance of stability here on the West Coast. I am definitely looking forward to the day when I actually realize fully that we live here and so will our little one!

So for those of you who have been following the blog, you'll recall that my partner and I moved here to follow a crazy dream of living by the ocean, the mountains, and among this city's rather snazzy glass and steel and cedar structures. Somewhat grandiose, perhaps, but nonetheless a very good motivator for two folks looking to expand their horizons in all senses of the expression.

As we're settling in, I have begun to envision all sorts of possibilities for us and our little one, in part through my imagination but in equal part by keeping an eye out for how other parents seem to be doing things. Today I took a bus ride downtown, and saw many parents with tots, including a bright-eyed little guy on the bus who was asking his mom about pretty much everything under the sun. Out the window I saw a lot of young moms and a few dads (woot!) toting their toddlers in various ways.

One thing that's hard to miss about Vancouver (and that was hard to miss today) is that a lot of people here are really, really well off. If you've ever seen the city's astronomical real estate prices, you'll know what I'm talking about. I suppose my moment of panic hit me when I started to think about if we'd be ale to provide a decent life for our baby. We're trying hard, but it can be a little frightening. Like the huge majority of parents, I want to provide the absolute best in everything for my kid. I know that there'll be no shortage of love in his life, and I know that we'll do everything possible to make sure he knows that the world is an abundant, beautiful place, but I don't want him to feel limited in any way, not financially or anything else.

I did have one realization as I pondered this. One of the best things my wife's taught me is to celebrate others' success. She never begrudges other people their victories, and in fact goes out of her way to acknowledge them, and I was reminded of this today as I rode along. I need to remember to keep gracious when it comes to seeing the very fortunate citizens of Vancouver. It's great. The city's a prosperous, lively, place, rife with opportunity, and I would never want to see others taken down just so I could feel better. That would just be too petty for words. Whether I ever count myself among the wealthy or not, acknowledging the beauty and contribution of other people's success allows me not to be a cranky, envious person, which is far more valuable. I already feel so fortunate, and a moment of vulnerability like the one I had today, in my opinion, never hurts as a reminder of how sweet and grand life already is.

I have a lot of weird friends. It comes with the turf of going to grad school for most of my adult life. Now, finally those friends are starting to have kids, and it's really fun to watch how they navigate child raising. The question that seems to underpin a lot of their decisions is how do we stay true to our bohemian ideals?

Okay, maybe it's not a conscious question, but it's there in everything from the toys and clothes they pick to the way they decide to feed their children. There are a bunch of areas that give my friends pause, but some key questions come up over and over:

1. How can we raise a child without enforcing rigid gender categories and expectations?
2. When we buy toys, what do we need to consider in terms of ethics? Where do we find green, non-toxic, socially responsible toys?
   
3. What will our child's relationship to technology be? What will we allow in terms of phones, video games, computer time, etc.?
4. How do we introduce our child to culture without simply plunking him or her down in front of a TV?
5. Will babies be breastfeed and for how long?
6. How will we approach the child's intellectual development? Should a child be an achiever or an explorer?
7. Will we co-sleep? What will be the schedule for the child's independent sleeping arrangement?
8. How do we feed the child in a way that stays true to our own food choices? (i.e. vegetarianism, veganism)
   
9. How do we stay hip while toting a little one?
10. How soon can we introduce critical thinking into the child's regimen, asap?

There are a ton more, but that's a pretty good overview. While a few of my friends and extended circle are vehemently opposed to consumerism of all stripes, many more just want to figure out ways that they can stay mindful when it comes to falling into cliches and stereotypes.

I wonder if all the bohemianism has to do with a certain tiredness when it comes to the modern world. When I think of driving into some massive, hostile parking lot surrounded by dozens of crappy box stores that all sell the same thing (screaming, spoiled kid in tow), I die a little inside. It motivates me to consider if there are any feasible and more appealing alternatives available in this exciting and vibrant time we inhabit. Without a doubt, sometimes it's just way easier and more affordable to hop down to the Wal Mart to grab whatever, but I think the push in other directions is a worthy topic of exploration.

We have been SO busy this week trying to establish routines, organize our new place, and explore all we can in our neighbourhood. I found a place where I bought several pounds of fresh fruit for under $5.00 today, which made me a little too happy probably. We also went and purchased all of those annoying move-in items like dish mats, second keys, brooms, mops, etc. The apartment is shaping up nicely if I do say so, though there's still a lot of work to be done. I both beam at and lament the fact that I've assembled such a massive book collection over the years.

I'm starting to picture this whole baby in the city thing better now that we're here. Our neighbourhood has a ton of young families and they all seem to do okay in smaller places. It seems like there are lots of ways for families to stay busy, including parks, playgrounds, libraries, and other outdoor places. I even feel like young kids would enjoy tagging along with us to the commercial area that's nearby, which features a bizarre and intriguing variety of shops, food markets, and restaurants. The variety of people alone would be enough to occupy a kid's imagination.

I'm pretty much zonked from a very busy day, so I'll sign off there for now. I promise that it won't be long before I return to longer, more regular posts. Until then, have a wonderful night and take care all!

So besides an exploding toilet this morning, all has gone well with the move into out new Vancouver place. My truly awesome brother helped me execute a beautiful and rare 4 ferry-ride move yesterday, and finally, after a year, Lis and I have been reunited with our stuff (there seems to be more of it than I remember). We'll just count the little toilet clean-up issue as practice for when the baby comes. Too much info, I know. Sorry.

One of the more interesting aspects of the move in has been trying to envision exactly how we're going to fit a crib and other baby items into the place. A lot of space is still taken up with boxes, so I'm sure it will be easier once we're organized. Things are coming along, but they still have a long way to go. It is exciting imagining all of us cozy and tucked away in our apartment come January. One of the things I'm still trying to wrap my head around is how we're going to baby-proof all of this cool adult stuff we have. So many sharp inedibles just lying around...

Phew. I'm exhausted but serene. I suppose I'll spend the afternoon just unpacking and envisioning how all of this is going to come together. Things are good right now. Today is Lis's first day at her new job, so I'm wishing her well and doing my best to make things comfortable and organized for when she comes home.

Happy Monday!