That title sounds way more horrible than it actually is. First of all, Lis and I don't actually have a baby right now. We have a bump that will grow into a baby in a few months. We know he's in there, and he's getting big fast, but he's not particularly demanding at the moment and this is worth keeping in mind. It's important to really relish in the experience of our precious last bit of time before baby becomes all.
Here's why I chose this topic. For the last few days I've had a tough time coming up with ideas for posts. At first, I thought I could attribute this to a bit of writer's block or changing weather, but the fact is that I've been very productive in other areas and haven't had much time to focus on the coming baby. I think I've had problems formulating posts because I'm just super immersed in my other projects right now.
I realized last night that this was starting to make me feel guilty. I wasn't able to focus on the baby much, and I was worried that I wasn't feeling invested enough in the whole pregnancy process. Shouldn't my imagination be totally rapt with this new amazing creature we're bringing into the world? Shouldn't I be spending every waking hour pondering how adorable and magical the whole process of raising a child is going to be? I really don't want to become some under-dedicated, vaguely negligent parent who splits his mental life between what is and what could have been (ie. no kids). I definitely don't want to be some stereotypical distant, pipe-smoking, beslippered father who leaves all the parenting to the kid's beset and possibly besotted mother. I'm in this too, and I'm willing to put in the work.
What I came to realize, though, is that there will be plenty of time to be a good parent when the time comes. It's false to expect that I "should" be and feel anything other than that which is right now. I would be more worried if we actually had a kid who was being neglected in any way, but that's not the case. It's good to feel invested, but it's also good to keep things honest.
Being a good parent, I believe, means meeting your own needs as well as the child's. It makes everyone more happy, respectful, and ultimately loving. There's such a taboo these days surrounding parental self-care, and it's started to seep into the gestation period itself. It seems a lot of sources are demanding parents immediately cease their former lives as soon as they know a child is on its way. Such thoughts really only seem to serve the purpose of producing anxiety where none should exist. You feel what you feel. The baby's baking just fine, and it doesn't particularly care about me right now. I'm excited to see him, but it's impossible to keep excitement up 24/7. It just sounds exhausting, and I've got a lot to do. So does Lis, and there's nothing wrong with this for the moment.
So guilt begone! Today is going to be a day for me, and there's absolutely nothing I can see that's wrong with that. If you, too, are an expecting parent, don't forget that you're important and you deserve a little time and space for yourself. From what I gather, there will be plenty of time -- years! -- to have your life completely dominated by your kid. There's no need to falsely and prematurely impose such restrictions on yourself while things are getting ready.
Here's why I chose this topic. For the last few days I've had a tough time coming up with ideas for posts. At first, I thought I could attribute this to a bit of writer's block or changing weather, but the fact is that I've been very productive in other areas and haven't had much time to focus on the coming baby. I think I've had problems formulating posts because I'm just super immersed in my other projects right now.
I realized last night that this was starting to make me feel guilty. I wasn't able to focus on the baby much, and I was worried that I wasn't feeling invested enough in the whole pregnancy process. Shouldn't my imagination be totally rapt with this new amazing creature we're bringing into the world? Shouldn't I be spending every waking hour pondering how adorable and magical the whole process of raising a child is going to be? I really don't want to become some under-dedicated, vaguely negligent parent who splits his mental life between what is and what could have been (ie. no kids). I definitely don't want to be some stereotypical distant, pipe-smoking, beslippered father who leaves all the parenting to the kid's beset and possibly besotted mother. I'm in this too, and I'm willing to put in the work.
What I came to realize, though, is that there will be plenty of time to be a good parent when the time comes. It's false to expect that I "should" be and feel anything other than that which is right now. I would be more worried if we actually had a kid who was being neglected in any way, but that's not the case. It's good to feel invested, but it's also good to keep things honest.
Being a good parent, I believe, means meeting your own needs as well as the child's. It makes everyone more happy, respectful, and ultimately loving. There's such a taboo these days surrounding parental self-care, and it's started to seep into the gestation period itself. It seems a lot of sources are demanding parents immediately cease their former lives as soon as they know a child is on its way. Such thoughts really only seem to serve the purpose of producing anxiety where none should exist. You feel what you feel. The baby's baking just fine, and it doesn't particularly care about me right now. I'm excited to see him, but it's impossible to keep excitement up 24/7. It just sounds exhausting, and I've got a lot to do. So does Lis, and there's nothing wrong with this for the moment.
So guilt begone! Today is going to be a day for me, and there's absolutely nothing I can see that's wrong with that. If you, too, are an expecting parent, don't forget that you're important and you deserve a little time and space for yourself. From what I gather, there will be plenty of time -- years! -- to have your life completely dominated by your kid. There's no need to falsely and prematurely impose such restrictions on yourself while things are getting ready.
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