A couple of my friends were recently scoffing at the whole idea of non-pregnant partners referring to pregnancy symptoms as something "we" are experiencing. I totally get it. "We" don't experience stomach pains, restless legs, random bouts of nausea, itchy belly, cankles, etc. She does. So I started wondering why this imaginary symptom-sharing is such a common practice among modern expecting partners.
I'm guessing it has a lot to do with partners trying to feel involved and connected during the pregnancy stage. Obviously a father can do more once the baby is actually born, but staying attuned to different physical symptoms early on helps. I think I tend not to use "we" when talking about specifics of the body, but I don't shy from it when it comes to any other aspect of the pregnancy. It would be somewhat foolish to think that I really have an OBGYN, but it does affect my life when my partner does or doesn't.
I tend to view my pronoun choices as a feminist and egalitarian gesture. It's my way of saying that I am indeed involved in the creation of this child, and I am not going to leave all of the ins and outs for my wife to deal with on her own. Yes, sometimes this can lead to awkward moments where I'm not sure if it's my boobs that hurt or whatever, but it's worth the price of a little awkwardness (and, indeed, having a set of boobs wouldn't be altogether bad in my opinion).
That aside, perhaps it is a rather daring (even foolhardy) endeavour trying to do a pregnancy blog from a father's perspective. Who knows? My reflections are definitely limited in the sense that I can really only guess and speculate what it would be like to have my body affected by carrying a baby around inside. When Lis reads, for example, hilarious blog posts about the effects of itchy nipples on professional life, it introduces scenarios and situations that are just a tad outside of my daily experience. Still, I do think that sometimes people create false distances between themselves to circumvent empathy, and I don't want to do that. All I can do is try to be honest in the way I'm experiencing all of this, and for me that means using "we" when it feels right.
Coming up next week, the Baby Daddy Blog is going to have a guest blogger, Vince, the daring and heroic father of Theo, who I talked about a few weeks back. Have a wonderful weekend all!
I'm guessing it has a lot to do with partners trying to feel involved and connected during the pregnancy stage. Obviously a father can do more once the baby is actually born, but staying attuned to different physical symptoms early on helps. I think I tend not to use "we" when talking about specifics of the body, but I don't shy from it when it comes to any other aspect of the pregnancy. It would be somewhat foolish to think that I really have an OBGYN, but it does affect my life when my partner does or doesn't.
I tend to view my pronoun choices as a feminist and egalitarian gesture. It's my way of saying that I am indeed involved in the creation of this child, and I am not going to leave all of the ins and outs for my wife to deal with on her own. Yes, sometimes this can lead to awkward moments where I'm not sure if it's my boobs that hurt or whatever, but it's worth the price of a little awkwardness (and, indeed, having a set of boobs wouldn't be altogether bad in my opinion).
That aside, perhaps it is a rather daring (even foolhardy) endeavour trying to do a pregnancy blog from a father's perspective. Who knows? My reflections are definitely limited in the sense that I can really only guess and speculate what it would be like to have my body affected by carrying a baby around inside. When Lis reads, for example, hilarious blog posts about the effects of itchy nipples on professional life, it introduces scenarios and situations that are just a tad outside of my daily experience. Still, I do think that sometimes people create false distances between themselves to circumvent empathy, and I don't want to do that. All I can do is try to be honest in the way I'm experiencing all of this, and for me that means using "we" when it feels right.
Coming up next week, the Baby Daddy Blog is going to have a guest blogger, Vince, the daring and heroic father of Theo, who I talked about a few weeks back. Have a wonderful weekend all!
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