While this post is coming later than usual, I promised I'd talk about this topic today and by golly I am a man of my word.
So, what are helicopter parents?
A friend of mine was telling me a story the other day about how his brother goes to every one of his kid's soccer practices, along with every other kid's parents. My friend was not impressed with this state of affairs. With no small amount of frustration, he went on about the good old days when kids used to just go do this stuff without any supervision. I totally understand where he was coming from. I used to go to soccer practice by myself, and it was fun. I'm sure it was fun for my parents, too, to get some free babysitting for a couple hours. They watched the games, and that was enough.
The funny part of the story was that none of the parents really seemed to want to be at these practices. They all felt obligated because of all the social pressure. Part of it was that you wouldn't want to be the parent whose kid got injured while you were away gallivanting across the countryside. That would obviously make you a horrible person. Plus you'd be the recipient of much disdain if God forbid someone had to drive your kid to the hospital. Knowing the way things work these days, you'd have child services called on you for neglect. Bad news all around. Then there's the whole possibility of sexual abuse, which is another post unto itself....
There's something tremendously upsetting about this state of affairs, and I have a tough time putting my finger on it. It has something to do with the levels of mistrust and isolation involved. Part of it is that everyone is acting like the family is a unit that must be completely self-contained and separate from any larger kind of community. You can't trust the other parents. You can't trust the coaches. You definitely can't trust the kindness of strangers. So you must act as if everyone is a potential enemy. They either want to abuse your kid or report you for abuse, so you must sacrifice every moment of your entire life to hover over your child and fawn over his or her every movement. No wonder so many people feel unfulfilled these days. Soccer practices are fucking boring. I know. I used to go to them all the time.
What gets lost in the shuffle, too, is the kid's sense of independence. I'm not saying that kids should just be abandoned to roam the streets, but I do wonder what kind of compromise can be struck, if any. The problem is that you do have to trust others at some point. That's what it boils down to, and I have no idea why the world is so short on it these days. The economy? A major outbreak of perverts? I have a feeling it probably has a lot to do with the media's obsession with fear mongering, but I'm more interested in the solution. I don't have the full answer, but I think it probably has a lot to do with a return to the ideals of community. Shut off the news, which is just stupid anyway, and talk to your neighbours. Get to know the people who are involved with your kids' lives, and not just by Googling them. The astoundingly vast majority of people aren't evil, and they probably see things in much the same way you do, but you have to be willing to open the gated community of your heart and let them a little ways in (that was meant to be a tad melodramatic, btw).
I'm of course not talking to you, but me. I hope that when it comes time for my kid to start participating in school and life, I am able to strike some kind of balance. All I can do in the mean time is consciously question every decision I make and hope for the best. I'd love to hear what other parents and parents-to-be have to say about the topic. Weigh in in the comments!
So, what are helicopter parents?
A friend of mine was telling me a story the other day about how his brother goes to every one of his kid's soccer practices, along with every other kid's parents. My friend was not impressed with this state of affairs. With no small amount of frustration, he went on about the good old days when kids used to just go do this stuff without any supervision. I totally understand where he was coming from. I used to go to soccer practice by myself, and it was fun. I'm sure it was fun for my parents, too, to get some free babysitting for a couple hours. They watched the games, and that was enough.
The funny part of the story was that none of the parents really seemed to want to be at these practices. They all felt obligated because of all the social pressure. Part of it was that you wouldn't want to be the parent whose kid got injured while you were away gallivanting across the countryside. That would obviously make you a horrible person. Plus you'd be the recipient of much disdain if God forbid someone had to drive your kid to the hospital. Knowing the way things work these days, you'd have child services called on you for neglect. Bad news all around. Then there's the whole possibility of sexual abuse, which is another post unto itself....
There's something tremendously upsetting about this state of affairs, and I have a tough time putting my finger on it. It has something to do with the levels of mistrust and isolation involved. Part of it is that everyone is acting like the family is a unit that must be completely self-contained and separate from any larger kind of community. You can't trust the other parents. You can't trust the coaches. You definitely can't trust the kindness of strangers. So you must act as if everyone is a potential enemy. They either want to abuse your kid or report you for abuse, so you must sacrifice every moment of your entire life to hover over your child and fawn over his or her every movement. No wonder so many people feel unfulfilled these days. Soccer practices are fucking boring. I know. I used to go to them all the time.
What gets lost in the shuffle, too, is the kid's sense of independence. I'm not saying that kids should just be abandoned to roam the streets, but I do wonder what kind of compromise can be struck, if any. The problem is that you do have to trust others at some point. That's what it boils down to, and I have no idea why the world is so short on it these days. The economy? A major outbreak of perverts? I have a feeling it probably has a lot to do with the media's obsession with fear mongering, but I'm more interested in the solution. I don't have the full answer, but I think it probably has a lot to do with a return to the ideals of community. Shut off the news, which is just stupid anyway, and talk to your neighbours. Get to know the people who are involved with your kids' lives, and not just by Googling them. The astoundingly vast majority of people aren't evil, and they probably see things in much the same way you do, but you have to be willing to open the gated community of your heart and let them a little ways in (that was meant to be a tad melodramatic, btw).
I'm of course not talking to you, but me. I hope that when it comes time for my kid to start participating in school and life, I am able to strike some kind of balance. All I can do in the mean time is consciously question every decision I make and hope for the best. I'd love to hear what other parents and parents-to-be have to say about the topic. Weigh in in the comments!
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