Hooray! We've now officially cleared the first trimester. Apparently the chance of miscarriage now drops by around 97%. Our baby is currently around the size of a peach -- significantly larger than the plum size of the ultrasound pictures I posted last Friday. We find out the sex in the next couple of weeks, and the speculation among family and friends is rampant.

First, sorry I didn't write yesterday. I got smacked with a super nasty bug over the weekend, and anything I would have written in that state would have basically been incoherent garbage (not that my usual is all that much better). This weekend, we also got good news in the form of a job offer in Vancouver for wifey. The job is very ideal for her interests, and they're also very mat-leave friendly, which is amazing. So, it looks like we're headed west as planned, folks!  More to come on that....

You may also be wondering where we are now. I've promised to say a bit more about who I am this week, so here's a start, anyway. I currently reside in Ottawa, Canada, with my super awesome wife and her super awesome mom. Just so we're clear, mom pays the bills. Why, you may ask next, does mom pay the bills for a couple of thirty-something adults? Mainly because those adults took the enriching but unconventional path of going to grad school and doing PhDs. They're starting to pay off, but my God they take a long time to earn. A lot of our non-grad friends are on their second mortgages, second kids, and management-level jobs, while we're finally just dipping our toes into the work force. Oh well, wouldn't trade it for anything.

I have a PhD in English, as I've mentioned before, and am currently working on several writing projects including a screenplay and a novel. I also run several blogs, feeds, and a website, all collected loosely under the auspices of lintropy.com. You can have a look around that site for more info, if you're so inclined. In particular, you can peruse some of my non-baby related writing here (the first article is by a friend of mine, not me). While all of these may seem like quite a random mess of interests and projects, my overarching goal has always been to open up the world for people around me in as many ways as possible. It's just what I gotta do.

This blog is definitely one of those ways. Although there are many great daddy blogs out there, I decided to create my own because I wanted to document the pregnancy and its significance in a way that family, friends, visitors, and ideally, someday, the baby could participate. I also wanted to facilitate a spaces where others could share their own experiences, which is why the blog has open comments and forums. Because of the nature of my current host, Weebly, you have to sign up to make comments, but I've tried to put everything on the least annoying settings possible if that helps.

Anyway, I hope you're having a great week so far. If you ever want me to cover a specific topic or area, or just want to say hi, you can contact me through [email protected].

Hey, is this that picture of the severe thunder storms over the Mid-west last night? Nope, it's my baby! Have a spectacular weekend everyone. Perhaps next week I'll get around to revealing a bit more about who I am...

Apparently everybody in the world decided to have a baby in the last year. This couldn't possibly have anything to do with the fact that I've hit a certain age. No way. Seriously, though, within my close family, there have been five pregnancies. That means that these little ones will all grow up together, with roughly the same set of cultural references. They'll be hip to all the same technologies, and they'll never use words like "hip" in the way I just did.

At the hospital for the city where I live, they were talking about how fourteen of the nursing ward staff have had babies in the last year. They all took a picture together in the paper. It makes me wonder if we're creating a baby boom of our own, and if so, why? Times aren't particularly prosperous for a lot of people, and there doesn't seem to be any major global movements like after the second world war, when most of our parents were born. I may be making babies out of molehills here, but it seems like something's up. I wish I was a more diligent conspiracy theorizer, because I've got all kinds of partial, anecdotal evidence to support my half-baked claim. It must be the Mayan calendar... No, wait, indigo children. Yeah, that's probably lit.

I was reading today about the Hundredth Monkey experiment, where a researcher named Lyall Watson was giving a population of monkeys sweet potatoes on this one island near Japan. Eventually one of the monkeys figured out that it could wash the sand off the sweet potatoes, and it started to teach it to some of the other monkeys. Then, after some critical threshold had been crossed, all the rest of the monkeys seemed to just spontaneously know the behaviour, even the ones that hadn't been taught. What was really weird was that monkeys on other islands also spontaneously learned that behaviour. They hit a sweet-potato consciousness point, and like magic they all started doing the same thing.

So maybe that's what's happened with all of these little monkeys on the way. Yeah, that's probably it.

We’ve continued to make our announcements this week, moving through our closest circles of friends. Last night was a fun one. We got to share the news with one of my wife’s oldest friends from high school, and one of my best from grad school. They were ecstatic. She kept repeating, “You guys are going to be parents! You guys are going to be parents!” He offered me the classic George Costanza line: “Your boys can swim!” Yes they can (another friend earned big points when he said I had the Michael Phelps of sperm).

These friends were some of the people who has suspected it for a long time, so it was great to finally clear the air. Fun too! It’s wonderful to know that our baby will be born into such a loving and caring group of people, even if we do end up on the other side of the country. Everyone’s trying to be good about that, but they understandably wish we were sticking around in these parts. It’s a hard thing to explain why we’d pick up and move to start our family and careers. For us it has everything to do with that entirely elusive and yet vital subject of the soul. It may not stand up to logic, but that’s never really been the issue. Sometimes a path just calls.

Other than that, not a ton else to say at the moment. The books say the baby will start kicking at 18 weeks, but my sister-in-law said she started feeling it at 13. We’re definitely hoping for the latter. The first trimester is winding down, and it’s been awesome -- ups, downs, and everything else. It has been fun keeping our secret to ourselves for awhile, but I’m looking forward to this next part, where everybody else gets to get used to the idea. That means you, too, dear reader. Only for you, the big secret has been who the heck is writing this weird blog for all this time. Stay tuned...

As of my writing this, you are just over 13 weeks along in your natal growth. Your mom hasn't even felt you kick yet, but we've seen your heartbeat three times. You look like a fine young person, though it's a little hard to make out whether you're a boy or a girl from the blobby ultrasounds. I'd imagine that will have changed by the time you are able read this, and I can honestly say that we'll be equally happy either way.

I want you to know that no matter how many crazy turns life takes, we will always strive to be loving parents and provide guidance as best we possibly can. We will do everything we can to give you a world rife with possibility and promise. We will do everything we can to make the planet a better place, even if it just means improving some tiny corner of the world a little bit at a time. We will always try to surround you with loving people, including us (for as long as you can stand it), and we will encourage you to be fearless when seeking out new challenges and experiences. We will have your back, no matter what.

I wonder what the world looks like to you right now. I'm guessing it's mostly a dream of random sounds and colors. I'm just going to warn you: it may stay that way even after you can differentiate things. That's not a bad thing. It's the biggest blessing we have as humans, a richly textured existence full of so much grandeur and variability that it continually makes your head spin. I hope I can teach you to accept all this with an open heart, and I want you to know that come what may, our hearts will always be open to you.

Good luck in your stately womb, and enjoy your growth into existence!

So we're gradually, finally releasing the big news to our family and friends. We told my in-laws this weekend and they were thrilled. My brother-in-law, true to form, high-fived me and said "your boys can swim!" My sister-in-law could barely contain herself. My father in-law, while a little baffled at this new "three month rule" everyone seems to have agreed upon, was also very happy. Next we'll tell our friends, which I've been looking forward to.

It's interesting to keep a secret for so long and then suddenly start telling people about it. I suppose its similar with things like birthday presents, engagement rings, and other happy surprises. It's cool, because often when you're keeping a secret, it's something you don't want anybody finding out about ever. This is more like a strategic secret, or a time-release one. Honestly, we weren't going to be able to keep it much longer either way. My wife is starting to put on a noticeable amount of uterus weight.

I guess that just leaves the readers of this blog to tell. You already know that a baby's on the way, but I haven't yet said anything about myself or where I'm from. I'm going to hang onto it for a few more days while we tell our close circle of friends and family, but it's a coming. I will say for now that my name is Ryan and I live in the vast and mysterious land of Canada.

So our baby is due in late January, and between now and then, we're planning on finding two career-level jobs on the other side of the country, finding an apartment on the other side of the country, packing up everything we own here, hopping in the car, driving like mad to get there, and doing it all probably in about a two-week window.

Sound like insanity? Perhaps it is, but it's also one of those weird life-risks you sometimes have to take. For starters, we know how much more challenging it would be to do all this after the baby is born. The other bigger question -- why do it at all? -- is one that our family and friends have understandably struggled with. All I can say is that we're doing it because our hearts are in the West. I grew up there, and my wife fell in love with it as soon as she visited. It is the place where we want to raise our kids, simple as that.

We've certainly struggled with all the uncertainty hanging over the whole picture, but at the same time, there's a deeper feeling that it is the absolute right thing to do. It may be sheer foolishness to take such a plunge at our age and in our situation, but at the same time, it may be sheer foolishness not to. Sometimes it's difficult to pick out all the reasons why a decision is the right one, and you have to just go with the gut.

I've worked for many years on being comfortable with uncertainty, and that helps. Just because something is unknown, it does not follow that it will turn out badly. By constantly trying to anticipate and prevent disaster by having everything planned to a tee, you also forgo the happy surprises. I love those surprises, and I've had many great ones in my life. To me, they are worth pursuing. Fear is never an adequate motivator.

It may get infinitely harder to pursue the unknown once kids enter the picture, but my wife and I balance each other out that way, something for which I am thankful. Even if we have only parts of our road map in focus, I feel like we can fill in the fuzzy areas as we go. This willingness to embrace the void is, I think, what will ultimately allow us to raise children in a meaningful way while continuing to grow ourselves.

Anyway, enough philosophizing for this week. Signing off for now. Have a spectacular, surprise filled weekend, and get ready for a few big announcements next week!

One of the reasons why I've been running this blog is that I love the idea of going into parenthood with at least partially open eyes. Although I love my parents dearly, I felt that they didn't have much by way of an overall strategy when it came to parenting. A lot of what they did was fairly reactive, and I think its because they'd never thought out and discussed the complexities of parenting beforehand. By default, they mostly just parented on bias and habit. It was what it was, but I want to take it to the next level.

Don't get me wrong; I realize that when you're in the thick of things it's probably way more difficult to retain any kind of deep philosophy, let alone your sanity. However, I do believe that pondering the imponderables as much as possible creates habits of mind that are more likely to lead to constructive, positive reactions to parenting situations. I'm hoping that by sharing these ideas and reflections I'll increase both my own and others' possible parenting repertoires. I suppose that's a big reason why I'm posting all this publicly, rather than just writing it down in my journal.

To work on becoming a more conscious parent, I like to explore and share my thoughts on the philosophical side of parenting. While this musing may not seem to build much in the way of practical knowledge, I feel that exploring these big questions helps provide a consistent framework for knowing what to do when particular situations arise. I also like to have lots of conversations about parenting issues. I ask my friends things like, "What's your approach to technology going to be?" I'm always fascinated to find out how others are going to approach the big questions of parenting.

In a way, I just think of this blog as a way of focusing on big cultural issues through a particular lens. In all honesty, I don't think kids are a topic in their own right. They gain their existence as a result of a huge variety of cultural contexts, everything from mommy groups to dietary issues to health insurance to career searches to attitudes towards love. In truth, I think all people exist as the centre of a wide variety of discussions and practices. Not only do these discussions help define us: they also allow us to feel like a part of something much larger than isolated existences.

Today was a great day. We went for our 12 week ultrasound and saw the most amazing thing ever. Somehow our baby had gone from a tiny grey blob to a big grey one! Oh, and it looked like a baby. I'm going to post some shots in the next few days so you can see it in all its blob-tastic glory. Trust me, it'll be awesome.

I couldn't contain myself afterwards. We decided to announce the pregnancy to our immediate family. I called my brother, my mom, and my dad, in that order. They were all a little stunned, though pretty much everyone saw it coming. I think my soon-to-be sister in law's reaction was my favourite. When my brother told her I just heard this huge yelp in the background. All in all everyone was thrilled, though you could tell it'll take some time for it to sink in. I'm the first sibling in my family to have a kid, so everyone's a little rusty on that front.

The baby's about the size of a plum now, and growing well. It was kind of crazy to see the ultrasound image, because you don't just see the outside, you also see the heart, spine, brain, etc. Finally my high-school biology classes pay off. I even identified it's cerebellum. Woot! My baby's got a cerebellum!

The ultrasound tech helping us was a bit of a weird dude. When I identified the heartbeat right away, he seemed kind of annoyed and said "we'll get to that." I think he secretly wanted to make that announcement himself, but heck, this is our third time getting one of these, so we're getting good at it. I act all calm now, but I promise you I was losing it when I saw all of this. It was one of those moments where I have no sense of what I was doing at the time.

Anyway, that's where we're at. I'll probably have a little more to say on the topic over the next couple of days. These are indeed exciting times. The whole pregnancy took a huge reality leap today. I can't wait to see what comes next!

We were fortunate enough to spend the weekend with some family friends at their stately cottage. My in-laws brought along my two-month old nephew, which officially marked his first-ever road trip. He was extremely well behaved, but my God, people aren't lying when they say having a kid makes it harder to travel.

The big difference I noticed was the baggage. My wife and I had three neatly packed bags total, filled with casual clothes, a couple of toiletries, and a heap of leisurely reading material. The in-laws, by comparison, were carrying enough gear to equip a small army: diapers, bottles, milk supplies, cloths, wipes, bibs, blankies, many spare clothes, a pack and play, a car seat, and a bunch of other currently unidentifiable doodads that I'm sure were absolutely crucial to the baby's continued survival. Oh, and two small bags of hastily packed clothes for themselves.

I can sit by the lake and read all the zen books I want about lack of worldly attachments and reducing your possessions, but I can't wait to see how they hold up when I'm confronted with the screaming, crapping, voracious little fluid-producer that is my spawn. Traveling light and enjoying the scenery seems to be a thing of the past when those little ones come along, though I guess you get the bonus of seeing the world anew. I am actually extremely impressed with how well the in-laws managed. They had to forgo a placid jaunt around the lake on the boat, because we didn't have life-preservers, but otherwise they chatted and participated very calmly over the whimpers and occasional wails of their little one.

All in all, I do think little nephew's first road trip was a success. While I'm perhaps a little more worried now about the day when I, too, must pack for my own personal army of one, I suppose that adding all these hurdles ends up making you a more patient, adaptable person in the long run. I guess the only thing to do at this point is to grab the situation by the suitcase and say "Bring it on!"